


Choosing dreams

by FlufSheep



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Past Harry Du Bois/Jean Vicquemare, Post-Canon, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29642487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlufSheep/pseuds/FlufSheep
Summary: This is a quick fic that I wrote trying to imagine a little bit of a relationship between Harry and Jean in the past, also how Harry is coping with sobriety and himself.(I'm not good with titles.)
Relationships: Harry Du Bois & Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois/Jean Vicquemare
Kudos: 7





	Choosing dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native English speaker and didn't play the game in English! So if anything feels off this may be the reason.

You see yourself in the middle of an endless corridor with cabinets full of files. A much younger Harrier -- or maybe only healthier -- opens a drawer and picks a few files. He sips from a cup of coffee which you are pretty sure is filled with some cheap booze. The scene morphs and this Harry is sitting at a table, squeezing his eyes in the direction of the papers and scribbling randomly in a notepad.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - There are some wooden tables in the room. The night has already fallen and the room is lit by a yellow glow due to some lamps. Even if the lone cop does not have a cigarette, it is possible to see and feel the lingering smoke of the early occupants. You could relate this scene to a noir novel, only there is not a femme fatale in this one -- not in the seducing and mysterious sense of the expression.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - Do you remember this night, Harry boy? So alone, so cold...

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - This is not a typical night in the 41 Precinct. It is a Saturday night and your colleagues are in their respective homes. Heidelstam is tucking his son in a comfy bed, Minot is boiling some tea, McLaine, and Torson talking and drinking in a bar.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - Poor Harry, poor boy. Nobody to call home, to tuck you in bed. But you called this loneliness upon yourself, isn't it right darling?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - The bottom of a cheap beer is the only thing you can call "friend".

SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - The lights seem to fade and the room feels a lot colder than before. An old woman cries beside an empty baby crib, her husband drinking from a bottle of vodka in the kitchen. A cat is run over in one of the streets of Jamrock. Somebody screams in fear inside one old apartment.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - A decadent cop for a decadent city. You couldn't save yourself, how could you save this miserable place?

LIMBIC SYSTEM - How could you save anybody? Or did you forget you are the reason behind all this misfortune?

PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] - The coffee cup is warm in your hands. There is a soft smoke coming out of it. You remember brewing it for yourself.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - This is only an illusion Harry boy. Soon enough you will pour some cheap booze into it.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - Coffee is not your favorite beverage, but you like how it tastes bitter on your tongue. Of course, some speed would be a lot more efficient. How about taking some when you wake up, to help solve the murder?

YOU - Please, I only want to sleep.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - But you *are* sleeping. Do you think your wasted body could be awake at this late just like old times? Even then this was only possible because you keep spoiling it with drugs. Making it match your mind.

YOU - I don't want to hear from you anymore, no, please.

VOLITION - You can shut them down, you know. Just focus on the scene playing in front of you. Make peace with yourself for just one night.

INLAND EMPIRE [Heroic: Success] - You are watching yourself drink coffee and then, in a second, the documents are also on your own hands, the pen slipping from callous fingers.

YOU - You raise your head from the papers and inhale the dry fume from the room.

PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] - There is a hint of bergamot in the air. You look to Trant's desk and there is a small flavoring there, hand-painted with red flowers. It was a present from his son.

YOU - You put the papers down and taste the coffee. Jean would be proud of how bitter it tastes. Not only this but of the progress in the case. You expect he likes your new hypothesis, the one you have been working through the night. Also, a small part of you, a little competitive monster, wants to prove him wrong about his theories. Your shoulder pops with stretching and maybe it is time to go home.

PERCEPTION [Medium: Fail] - What time is it? 10 PM? 3 AM? You have no idea.

While you are raising the cup in the small kitchen, the front door of the room opens.

REACTION SPEED [Formidable: Success]: You quickly turn off the water and press your back to the wall. The weapon is already in your hand.

PERCEPTION [Challenging: Success] - Whoever this person is, they are not afraid of making noise. They approach the center of the room and sigh. You know this sigh.

YOU - You put your weapon in the holster. "You almost gave me a heart attack, Jean."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - The officer is wearing casual jeans and a navy button shirt. The shirt hugs his profile just right. Jean is slender and not, by any means, skinny. You can imagine some of his muscles under the sleeves. While you check him out, your eyes catch his and he scans your entire body.

YOU - Unconsciously you smooth your shirt and avert your eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Called your house and nobody answered. What are these?" He picks up the papers and reads.

EMPATHY - Jean already knows how to decipher your bad handwriting. Although he doesn't look pleased to see you at the precinct on a Saturday night, his face is not taut. He doesn't let show but is relieved to find you here and not a bar. It has been 2 months of sobriety and he has been checking up on you almost every day.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "How do you come up with these ideas?" He wrinkles his nose. Now you are certain you solved the case and can't hide a small smile.

YOU - "Do you want to eat dinner?"

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "It is 1 AM Harry."

YOU - "You don't seem sleepy."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He scratches his neck and sighs one more time.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Challenging: Fail] - His pale eyes scan your body once more. You wish they were warmer.

EMPATHY [Formidable: Fail] - He looks nervous. He just came here to make sure you were not trashing the office. You should be ashamed of being treated just like a child. One big alcoholic baby.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "I may have some leftovers back at home." He clears his throat. "You can sleepover. It is too late to walk to your apartment."

REACTION SPEED [Trivial: Fail]: You just stare at Jean like he is some kind of hallucination.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He claps his hands and startles you. "C'mon shitkid! Pick up your things, I'm going back in five minutes, with or without you!"

In no time you pick up everything you need (your coat and notepad) and both of you are in his motor carriage. The ride to his apartment is quiet, you two share a comfortable silence. You have been to his living room more times, and some of these were in the middle of the night with a head full of booze. Now you take the surroundings more carefully.

PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] - The curtains are closed but you can feel a small breeze coming from an open tipper. There is a small pot of succulents on the coffee table in the middle of the middle room. The sofa is covered by a beige blanket, which you used many times as a blanket. There is a faint smell of cigarettes.

YOU - You hang your coat by the door and follow Jean to the kitchen.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He turns the lights on and opens the fridge, picking up some containers. With the stove on, he starts to warm some food.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Formidable: Fail] - You can make out of minced meat and vegetables, but the name of the dish escapes you.

YOU - You realize while putting the table you are quite familiarized with Jean's home. You don't need any indications and are quick to prepare everything. Jean brings some lemonade to the table; bitter, just like him. You put some sugar on it and he makes a face at that, saying you are spoiling your drink.

LOGIC [Challenging: Fail]: While you both eat in silence, not discussing the case, you note he didn't have dinner yet. Also, he is quite well dressed. Was he coming back from somewhere?

YOU - "So, did you have a date tonight?"

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean almost spits his food. He coughs into his hand and settles down his fork. "What?"

INLAND EMPIRE - You want to believe the proper word for what you are feeling is envy - envy of Jean because he (probably) had a date. Because he has somebody to care about. Somebody who will be enjoying his attention and is capable of returning the affection. But deep inside know it is not about envy.

RHETORIC [Medium: Fail] - You try to be reasonable but the jealousy just slips by your tongue.

YOU - "Who is the lucky girl? You didn't tell me at work yesterday because was afraid I would ruin your chances? Maybe show up wasted on your step?"

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He looks at you with furrowed brows. "What the hell are you talking about, Du Bois?"

YOU - "What happened? Couldn't enjoy your night afraid your drunk partner could be trashing the office?"

JEAN VICQUEMARE - The officer clenches his fists and takes a deep breath before answering. "No, Harry, I wasn't on a date." He tries to catch your eyes. "I know it sounds stupid but I was actually worried about you."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - He is not lying, sire. If it was a lie coming from Vicquemare he would be cursing and not looking directly at your eyes. You know how it works.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He is trying his best to not lose his temper. Maybe you should try it more often, too. Taking deep breaths and thinking before speaking, you know.

COMPOSURE - All energy leaves your body and the exhaustion settles in. You are unable to maintain this angry façade. It looks like you are melting into the chair. Jean notices this and the tension leaves his shoulders. He is absently fidgeting with the utensils.

RHETORIC - An uncomfortable silence falls between you two. You need to apologize to him for your earlier behavior. Just say you are sorry for your outburst, he will understand. He always understands.

YOU - "Jean, I..." You avert your eyes from him. Shame is a common emotion by now. "I'm sorry."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He only grunts and is not looking at you anymore.

YOU - "I'm kind of burned with this case. Though I could solve it, but..."

DRAMA - You are bad at this today, my lord. You are not fooled by this and neither is he.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "You don't have to solve everything alone, you know." He is not talking about the case. "When things come to this you can..." The officer hesitates a little at this. "I don't know, maybe call me."

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - It is awkward for him to say this. He doesn't want you to be alone when feeling desperate. It is not easy for him to express it.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - Maybe he was feeling alone too. Maybe he wanted your company. Even choose a shirt he knows you like. I bet he imagined how your big hands would like to tear those buttons open.

YOU - What? What are you talking about?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Formidable: Success] - This shirt is from a small but sophisticated store in Central Jamrock. You two often walk in front of it during work. Some weeks ago you praised their new collection.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - It is a very nice chemise. The navy cloth is adorned with small and lighter blue triangle patterns. It matches Jean's tastes but makes him look like a bourgeois.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - No no no! Makes him look hot. Very hot. You should tell him this now!

COMPOSURE - You are kind of confused by this inner dialogue. Your cheeks are hot and probably your face is red. You don't know how your dick is supposed to work anymore.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Harry, are you alright?" You feel his eyes scanning your face. There is no way he is not aware of your blush.

SAVOIR-FAIRE - Look, his hand is so near yours. You should take it.

VOLITION - You don't know how Vicquemare will react to your flirting. The best alternative is to say you are grateful for his help.

DRAMA - But you need to say it looking at his eyes, sire. He shared some of his sentiments with you and deserves to know you are telling the truth. Well, even if it is only part of it.

YOU - With some effort, you lift your eyes from the table. "I know Jean. I know I can count on you and I'm grateful for this."

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - You see his eyes dart to where your hands are and his fingers twitch a little. Then he retrieves his hands and resumes eating.

You two finish the dinner in silence and you help Jean clean the kitchen. You don't know the hour but it is pretty late. He points to the couch for you and goes to the room. While you are taking your shoes off, he sits by your side with some clothes on his hands.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "You can wear this. It is better than sleeping in your work clothes."

YOU - "Yeah, don't wanna get my shirt all crinkle." You take off your coat. "I spent some time ironing these."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He huffs a little and turns to you. "I'm willing to believe it this time." He seems to hesitate for a moment and then tugs you in his direction. "Let me help you otherwise we will be here until dawn." He starts to undo the buttons with some dexterity, not meeting your eyes.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - Your skin tingles under his hands. It is an opportunity. Do not waste it!

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - You know it took a lot of willpower to Jean even come this close to you. Searching his face for any signs you should not misplace, you notice some subtle red under his skin.

SAVOIR-FAIRE - You can do this.

YOU - Holding one of his writs you approach Jean.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - You can feel his pulse accelerate under the touch. He looks to you and you can see the doubt there. The office closes his eyes and takes a depth breath. "Ah, fuck it." He leans closer and his lips meet yours.

Jean kisses you with fervor and intent. He opens the rest of your shirt and caresses your chest. Your hands fly to the back of his neck and soon you both are leaning into the couch. He is on top of you and breaks the kiss to only bite at your neck. You can't help the sound that leaves your mouth and feel Vicquemare smile against your skin.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - Oh, Harry-boy... You should know better than this.

You can't feel the heat anymore.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - There is no way someone is going to love you anymore.

You are not in your skin anymore.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - You broke him, do you remember? Made him feel ashamed for being near you.

The figures in front of your eyes fade to two angry men screaming at one another. You can not understand what they are saying, but it feels like a punch, and the air is expelled from your lungs.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - Cleaning your vomit and piss every night. Trying to move away from your decrepit body. It made him sick.

YOU - "No... But... He tried to help me..."

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - And what did you do with this help, Harry? You destroyed it. Nobody can save those who don't want to be saved. And you, my boy, it is not even worth the effort.

YOU - Tears are rolling by your face.

LIMBIC SYSTEM - Why are you crying now, Harrier? It is time, you know! Time to move what remains of your body to haunt the precinct. To stare at him knowing now the origin of the aversion. Rise and shine, Harry!

YOU - You open your eyes to the ceiling. It takes some seconds to register that you are in your room, not at Vicquemare's.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - The sheets are clean. Also, your pajama smells nice.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - You have a craving, Harry! It is time to drink some coffee, it will help you. Put your mind to work!

YOU - Walking to your kitchen you open the cupboard and take some ground coffee. After drinking it, you proceed to fulfill your matinal tasks: take a bath, brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, comb your hair and water your plants. In the end, you are already feeling better. Just as Kim said, when feeling like losing yourself you should cling to your routine.

SHIVERS [Challenging: Success] - While you walk to the precinct some kids are getting dressed to school. An old lady is putting some food on stray cats in her street. A fluff one walks to her and rubs against her legs.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Formidable: Success] - Minot is already at the office, reading some papers and dispatching documents. You can see a Kineema parking at the garage and a familiar orange jacket being dressed. You realize you may be earlier than usual to work.

By the time you arrive at the precinct, you are greeted by an old radio operator.

JULES PIDIEU - "Good morning Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor." Jules greets you with a quick nod.

As you enter the office, Kim is already by his desk. He didn't notice you yet and Minot is not there.

SAVOIR-FAIRE - Surprise him!

YOU - You walk as silently as you can. Kim is writing in his notebook - not his usual one, but a leather bounded. Maybe it is his personal? You tap the desk. "Good morning Kim!"

COMPOSURE [Formidable: Success] - You scared the lieutenant. He is looking at you with big eyes as his ears turn a reddish color. As quickly it occurs, it fades and he regains his composure.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Good morning, detective." He regards you and seems comfortable with what he sees, but his eyes linger on your face for some seconds. "Had trouble sleeping?"

YOU - "The usual." Now you realize something peculiar. "Kim, can I ask you something?"

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant lifts one of his brows and makes a gesture with his hand. "Go ahead."

YOU - "There is... another type of underground?" You can see his brows lift more. "You know, an underground for those who like both men and women?"

KIM KITSURAGI - It takes some seconds for the question to settle between you two. Kim folds his arms and studies your face.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He is used to your questions by now, it doesn't disturb him. But it makes him curious to know what made you ask about it.

KIM KITSURAGI - "So, it seems you didn't stop obsessing over sexuality after all." He looks around the room and relaxes into the chair. "Yes, there is a bi-sexual underground."

YOU - Bi-sexual... You think about the word. It makes sense. "I think I may be bi-sexual." The phrase escapes your mouth.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh, it is really unexpected."

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He is being sarcastic. You were the only one that didn't know about your bi-sexuality yet.

COMPOSURE [Legendary: Fail] - As you look at Kim you feel your cheeks warm up. The lieutenant notices it too and lets a little smile escape. He cleans his throat and breaks the tension between you two.

KIM KITSURAGI - "We have a new case." He points to one note. "Someone called to inform us of a corpse."

YOU - "Where?" You take the note and read an address in Villalobos.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant gets up and tucks his notebook inside his jacket. "Let's go. We can get some sandwiches on the way."

The promises of sandwiches cheer you up. You two exit the precinct and go to the Kineema. Sitting beside Kim you think you may be able to do better this time. You are sure about it.


End file.
